


i fucking hate you sometimes

by aerynthesebacean, shkespeare



Series: na via lerno victoria [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dragon Age, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bad Communication, Biting, Crying, Eventual Smut, Getting Together, Lowercase, M/M, Mutual Pining, Rough Sex, lucas is a bad influence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 21:09:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17433554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aerynthesebacean/pseuds/aerynthesebacean, https://archiveofourown.org/users/shkespeare/pseuds/shkespeare
Summary: tension builds between them, and neither of them seem to deal with it very well until it spills over, not in the way either of them first intended.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just a fair warning, this isn't exactly written like a traditional story, as a lot of it came from messages sent back and forth between my friend and myself. So if some of it feels more like a thought experiment than actual narrative, that's why. But I still hope it makes sense and that you enjoy the gratuitous smut whoever reads this! It will be edited eventually and wrote in Proper English Narrative, but for now, here it is.

the team had returned to skyhold. soonyoung, chan, minghao and jihoon all looking rather tired as a result of the stealth mission they'd been assigned. they were successful, yes, but soonyoung got caught off guard by someone, someone he should have seen. he tells himself the injury was a lesson in vigilance.

 

there had been an underlying tension between soonyoung and jihoon for some time now, and minghao blames soonyoung's... distractedness, and subsequent injury, on that fact. he blamed it on the fact that soonyoung liked jihoon. a fact that he so desperately wanted to deny, because jihoon hated his guts.

 _really_ hated them.

soonyoung still couldn't work out what he could have possibly done to earn jihoon's complete and utter hatred, it was frustrating. but not nearly as frustrating as the fact that despite this, soonyoung couldn't stop himself from being painfully attracted to him. he scolded himself any time a thought of something happening between them flashed through his mind. it was stupid. but he still couldn't stop.

most days, jihoon avoided him completely, of course he did, he hated him after all. he didn't want to dwell on it, and so after letting josh check over his wound, he retired to his room to rest as his hyung suggested. 

it was a calm and pleasant evening until he heard a knock at the door. he sighed, assuming it would be someone coming to check up on him, and he wasn't wrong, it just was the last face he was expecting. before he even had a chance to answer, the door opened.

"what's the point in knocking if you're not going to give me time to answer?" he asks jihoon, now standing in his doorway. 

"not important." jihoon replies quickly. "i came to say... you did well today. you may have been injured, but without you we would've never got that information, and by the looks of it, it's pretty important." from anyone else, soonyoung would've taken this positively, but instead, he narrows his eyes.

"seungcheol set you up to this didn't he?"

"no, he didn't."

"bullshit. i don't believe a word of it."

"well y-"

"you probably wish i'd been killed, it'd save you the energy of hating me with every fibre of your being." soonyoung climbs off his bed, being careful with his injured arm and shoulder. jihoon really had the audacity to just walk in his room and  _pretend_ to congratulate him? he could shove it up the maker's ass. he didn't even notice that tears had welled in his eyes until they started to itch, he needed to leave.

but jihoon grabs his other arm so tightly he feels his nails dig in through his shirt, and he says,

"dont you dare walk away from me."

soonyoung can't move, halted by jihoon's grip, and paralysed by his touch. soonyoung turns around slowly, jihoon probably noticing the tears now, and jihoon... jihoon has scarily good intuition. he felt soonyoung tense at his touch, the tears, the anger. _soon likes me_ , he thinks to himself, so he does what any over confident bastard would do, and just kisses him.

it's a closed mouth kiss, soonyoung too shocked to do anything else. he's still mad because some part of him thinks it's a sick joke, something jihoon can use against him and laud over him, and he damn near punches jihoon in the face.

but for once, the assassin's intentions were pure. jihoon had no other purpose of being there, other than to ask if soon was okay, so he goes to take his leave. but before move, soon pushes him hard against the stone wall, his eyes burning. his gaze leaves jihoon feeling strangely vulnerable, a feeling jihoon is entirely unused to. he has no idea what soon is thinking, but when soon kisses him, he has a better idea. now jihoon is left paralysed, and can only watch as soonyoung walks away, leaving jihoon alone in his bedroom.

 

*

 

jihoon finds soonyoung on an armchair hidden away in a corner, in a position that most people  would find uncomfortable, but soon looks like he's incredibly relaxed, the afternoon shining through the window directly on him. he seems focused on whatever he's reading about, and jihoon knows he's having a good, comfortable time because that's jihoon's spot in the library, away from everyone and everything. and jihoon, because he's jihoon, doesn't ask if soonyoung is enjoying his reading or how he's doing, no.

"what the fuck are you doing in my spot?" soon doesn't even bother to look up. or speak. he just flicks the page and carries on reading, scanning his eyes across the page. it's only when jihoon snatches the book out of his hands and slams it down on the table next to the chair, that soon looks up, and he looks pissed.

"what are you doing in _my_ spot?" jihoon asks again, his jaw clenched, his words tense.

"does it have your name on? have you had the divine bless it, with your name in mind? tell me, jihoon, did you piss on it? what on maker's green earth makes you think that this seat belongs to you?" soon scoffs. "you think so highly of yourself, assassin."  
"you never come here, yet of all the places you could have sat, you chose..." and he gestures at the armchair. soonyoung grabs the book again, "it's comfortable". jihoon wants to strangle him.

"of course it's comfortable. i fucking put the armchair here. you're doing this on purpose, kwon."  
"how can i be? you said so yourself, i _never_ come here." soon almost hisses at him.

"what is your fucking problem?" jihoon replies, hissing back.

" _my_ problem? you have some damn nerve, don't you," soon replies, half laughing and half growling. "why are you even here, anyway? to piss me off? because you’re succeeding,"

"i need to read, actually." jihoon likes to think he's a great liar, which he is, but soonyoung never seems to take his shit at face value, but he straightens his back, and puts once again a scowl on his face, "you'd know that if you had been at the meeting." he has some reading to do about antivan locks and how to pick them for his next mission, but he has time to do it. he just wants soonyoung to stop being... so soonyoung. soon rolls his eyes,

"spare me the lecture." he refuses to use jihoon's name, he doesn't want to give him any satisfaction or real acknowledgement, or at this point, any respect. "i'll get out of your way, you clearly have more important things to do." he spits out, snapping the book shut loudly and dropping it on the table with deliberate force. he then stands up, pushing himself off the rests of the armchair, now stood face to face with jihoon

jihoon is glaring at him as he says,

"i fucking hate you sometimes" and soonyoung isn't really surprised anymore. he half feels like crying, half feels like laughing, but he settles with answering a solid ‘i'm glad to hear it’, but as soon as he opens his mouth, jihoon presses his lips against soon's.

it comes to soon as much of a surprise as the first time. soon didn't think it was possible to kiss someone with so much pent up aggression, yet here jihoon was, doing exactly that. soon's fists are balled at his sides, but before he can think about doing anything, jihoon has pulled away, and is looking at him with a dead expression on his face. his words come out flat,

"seungcheol is looking for you." he starts, "so leave."

and that's exactly what soonyoung does. he leaves, bumping his shoulder against jihoon's, hard and meant to hurt. he doesn't show any emotion on his face, because jihoon doesn't fucking deserve it. as he walks away, he can feel the tears forming in his eyes, but he blinks them away, because jihoon doesn't deserve them. or at least that's what he tells himself.

jihoon, on the other hand, is shaking so hard he has to sit down, which is a bad idea, since the armchair is warm and still smells like soonyoung.  
soon walks quickly, away from the library, away from jihoon. he's so focused on keeping his shit together, that he nearly walks past cheol, who only stops him because he grabs his arm.

"soonyoung, i need to fill you in about-" cheol sees soon's face, and he looks distraught. "soonyoung, are you alright?" he asks.

"if it's alright with you, hyung, i'd rather not talk about it now." he says, trying to sound as composed as possible, and giving a little bow as he speaks. "just... just tell me what i need to know. please." he says as politely as he can manage  
seungcheol reluctantly tells him the details of the mission ("we're all gonna go, but i need the rogues at the front, because the place is heavily trapped"), and as it turns out, it made sense for jihoon to go to the library.

the thing is, soon might have thought jihoon liked him had he not only kissed him to shut him up, to end an argument. maybe jihoon has good intuition and knows about his feelings and is using them against him. only the maker knows. so he listens to seungcheol, who asks again if he's okay, and after reassuring the leader that he only feels a little sick, he runs to his bedroom, locks the door and spreads himself on the floor near the shared balcony between his and seungkwan's room, just... staring at the ceiling and wondering what he did to deserve to feel this awful.


	2. Chapter 2

most of the others had finished their packing earlier in the day, but as soon and jihoon were terrible at waking up early, they were the last to pack. a few others were packing too, but it was pretty damn quiet, and jihoon can't help but (half accidentally) piss off soonyoung. in truth, soon hadn't slept at all, and he'd forced wonwoo into a vow of silence when he saw the leader still sat up in the early hours of the morning. he didn't actually think wonwoo would talk, but he had to be certain. soon feels fatigued, in his bones, in his mind, everywhere. what had happened the night before with jihoon and been running through his mind over and over again, he hadn't been able to sleep because of him. so seeing the assassin himself approach out of the corner of his eye was the last thing he wanted.

he sighs when jihoon opens his mouth, arms crossed over his chest, "you're really weird today, kwon."

soonyoung has to give him credit for managing so sound so emotionless. it truly amazes him sometimes. he smiles ironically at jihoon,

"don't let them hear you or else they might think you don't find me weird every day." jihoon lets out a sarcastic laugh at his remark, but he continues to prod,

"really, what's up with you? not even seokmin or seungkwan could get you to talk," jihoon raises an eyebrow, taking a step closer. soon ignores him, feeling the familiar anger whenever jihoon turns up rise within him. "oh, is this how it's going to be?" his words are confrontational, almost like a challenge to soon, though for maker knows what

"you have shit to pack, so i advise you to hurry up before seungcheol decides to leave you here." soonyoung doesn't know where he got the courage to speak those words, but somehow his brain manages to understand that a challenge is a challenge, and jihoon is going to get what he asked for.

he finally looks at jihoon, and there's a small victory when he sees the surprised yet annoyed and a bit angry look on his face. but it doesn't take long for jihoon to compose himself,

"it won't take long for me to pack, trust me," jihoon almost purrs. soonyoung's words are sharp, he's getting more and more fed up with him, and himself for still _liking_ him.

"why the fuck would i trust _anything_ that leaves your filthy mouth?" he replies, his voice raised slightly.

"well, people have told me i'm good with my tongue," jihoon remarks, and the thought makes soon's heart skip, as much as he wished it wouldn't.

"you're a fucking asshole, lee jihoon, that's what you are." he breathes out, and tries to focus on packing once again, because jihoon is getting on his fucking nerves and he's going to _burst_.

jihoon takes two steps closer to him, face red with anger now. he's not going to tease soonyoung, he's going in for the kill.

"it's not my fault you woke up on the wrong side of the bed, soonyoung" he says, and soon has to bite back a laugh because if only he _knew._ soonyoung lets go of the clothes he was holding, dropping a knife, too, so he can slam jihoon against the nearest wall and shout,

"what the fuck is _wrong_ with you?" he's panting as he stands, his face inches from jihoon's. he's angry, he's tired, and he's sick of whatever game jihoon is playing with him. he's fucking tired of it, but worst of all is that it _hurts_. it hurts that jihoon is like this with him, and he can't understand why.

"no, what the fuck is wrong with _you_." jihoon spits, but doesn't move, instead looking at soonyoung defiantly. and that's when soon breaks. he punches the wall next to jihoon's head, saying

"i fucking hate you" because if jihoon can, he can too. it's only half a lie, he doesn't hate jihoon, he only hates what jihoon makes him feel. jihoon flinches when soonyoung’s fist collides with the wall, and is left speechless. but is face is still serious, and there's a frown already forming and soonyoung just thinks _fuck it_.

soon kisses jihoon. hard. his hand is burning with pain, but he's too angry to do anything about it. blood is pouring from his knuckles, his other hand is gripping jihoon's chin as he kisses him. his eyes are watering, half through pain and half through sheer fucking frustration at jihoon. when soon finally pulls away, he's still holding on to jihoon's face, his grip like iron. he eventually lets go, and jihoon has to resist the urge to rub his jaw. his eyes are full of fire as he looks up at soon, and he's not sure why but he feels angry at him.

"i fucking hate you too" and his voice cracks a little, but his facial expression makes it completely irrelevant. he's pissed, and storms out without another word, pushing soonyoung away with his shoulder (just like he did days ago in the library), hard enough that soonyoung grunts at the sensation. his heart is pounding in his chest, but he walks away with a blank face so that the other members won't ask questions. soonyoung, on the other hand, is crying, hand bleeding at his side and forehead against the cold wall, where jihoon had been only moments ago.

soon moves his fingers slightly, and the joints scream in pain, but right now soonyoung needs that pain, to try and drown out everything else that's running through his mind. he wants to scream, but all he can do is cry helplessly at himself, at the whole fucking situation, because it's fucked, but there's nothing he can do about it, and he doesn't see it getting any better. the blood drips onto the floor, along with his tears. at some point, he's not sure when, cheol walks in, probably after hearing the shouting, and hearing who the shouting was coming from.

"what the..." he notices soon's hand, and goes immediately to him, grabbing his wrist as gently as he can so he can see the damage, "you're bleeding. what the fuck happened?"

and soonyoung laughs dryly through his tears, sniffling,

"what do you think happened, seungcheol?"

cheol knows immediately, putting the pieces together. soon crying, jihoon storming out, he sighs, he was going to have words with jihoon when they got back to the fortress, maker help him. he turns soon's hand, looking at the extent of the damage.

"i'll get joshua," he says quietly. "i'm sorry, soonyoung, this isn't fair."

soonyoung chokes out a sob, and seungcheol just opens his arms as soonyoung crashes against him, bleeding hand by his side, but hugging cheol with his other arm and... he's sobbing again, tears streaming down his face.

cheol wraps his arms around soon's sobbing body, his shoulders shaking with every cry. he strokes his back, his attempts to comfort soon futile, but he does it anyway, all while thinking what the fuck jihoon is playing at. as much as joshua will be able to fix his hand, it still won't be useable for a while, putting him out of training before their mission, and when the mission comes... cheol is too angry to think about it, so he just carries on holding soon, his sobs the only sound to be heard.


	3. Chapter 3

jihoon has been avoiding soonyoung like the plague. he hadn't left his room since they came back. chan has knocked on his door a few times, jeonghan brought him tea and a sympathetic look, because jihoon looked miserable. he _feels_ miserable. he feels sick every time he thinks about soonyoung and their kisses and how angry soonyoung had been a couple of days before, at the cave. he feels like absolute shit. their mission was getting closer, and with how jihoon had been trying to ignore the fact, it wouldn't be long until their leader came looking for him, and started making demands of him. sometimes he hated how accurate his intuition was. his door swings open, and stood there is none other than seungcheol, his figure filling the door frame, his authority filling the room.

"training, now." is all cheol says, and the tone of his voice lets jihoon know that he's not taking no for an answer.

jihoon gets up from his spot and dresses himself quickly under seungcheol's glare, knowing that the man wouldn't leave until jihoon went with him. he quickly puts on a light leather armour to his body, and he's still putting on his fingerless gloves when he leaves the room with seungcheol. jihoon knows the leader is mad, and he knows what's waiting for him once they get to the training area.

there are a few workers buzzing around near the training ring, but they're all busy, too busy to pay attention to the assassin that looks like he's following his executioner. they're just training, after all, it's what cheol's men do. jihoon can feel the anger radiating off cheol, at this point, he's almost resigned to it, which he knows is bad, even for him. the look in cheol's eyes when he finally stops in the centre of the designated area is ruthless. if he didn't know cheol, he would've thought the look meant murder. you deserve it, jihoon thinks to himself, walking up to stand opposite cheol, waiting for him to tell him what they're going to train on.

"you and i have some talking to do, _woozi_ " and jihoon winces slighly at his... professional name, because this means cheol is even more pissed than he originally thought. he shrugs, trying to keep his unbothered mask, and cheol adds, "no weapons today."

jihoon groans, it's not that he couldn't fight without weapons, he could, very well. it was the fact that fighting cheol unarmed _hurt_ , it was as if the man was made of steel or stone, and the mood he was in today, he knew he was going to come away worse off. jihoon makes the first hit, or tries anyway, he swings his leg lightning fast at cheol, aiming for his head, but cheol knocks his foot flying, and jihoon lands, knees bent, preparing himself for the next move.

"you need to get your shit together" cheol hisses, and jihoon answers him with another kick, this time pushing against his abdomen. it almost hits, but once again seungcheol stops him, grabbing his ankle and twisting it so that jihoon's leg twists too, and jihoon spits back,

"i _have_ my shit together, coups."

"don't lie to me," cheol growls, dropping jihoon's ankle. "you know exactly what you've been doing to soonyoung," the mention of his name hits jihoon in the chest "and it stops. now." jihoon doesn't have the words to express what he wants to, he's just angry. he leaps at cheol, aiming for his throat this time, but cheol defends himself easily, knocking jihoon's legs so his leap fails. his anger has made him sloppy, and cheol's made him deadlier. jihoon almost loses his balance, and cheol hits him square in the chest.

"it's none," and he takes a shaky breath, because shit that hurt, "of your business. you don't know shit." and as soon as he says this, cheol is on him again, saying,

"oh, i think i do" and picking him up and throwing him to the ground like a doll. jihoon is quick to recover, however, and hits the back of seungcheol's knees with his leg, hard enough that they falter a little, making him lose his balance for a moment, enough for jihoon to get up, grab seungcheol's arm and hit him in his chin with his elbow.

jihoon's elbow cracks across his jaw, not hard enough to break, but still damn hard. cheol spits blood onto the floor and wipes his mouth. "it's my business when one of my team has a broken hand. it's my business when someone on my team is at the others throat for no fucking good reason." cheol says, blocking another strike from jihoon. "just admit that you like him," cheol says, and his words hit jihoon in the stomach with a force he didn't know possible. but all jihoon can say in reply is

"fuck you," as he tries to hit cheol in the stomach, to make him feel the way cheol's words did. cheol twists his arm behind his back, pulling him against his chest and grabbing his other arm, fingers digging into jihoon's skin,

"no, fuck you and your shitty attitude." jihoon tries to wriggle out of the hold that cheol has him in, but cheol is just too strong for him to do so. it doesn't stop jihoon from trying with every fibre of his being, though. cheol's face is right next to jihoon's ear,"you talk to him, or maker help me you're fucking done, you hear me?"

jihoon throws his head backwards and to the side, trying to hit cheol, but cheol just tightens his grip on jihoon, moving his head to the other side so that he doesn't get hit, and jihoon laughs, a dry sound, just like soonyoung did when seungcheol found him a few days ago.

"why does it have to be me to do all the talking? i'm pretty sure he has a tongue too"

"you're the one that goes up to him with the intention of fucking with him. i'm sure you can manage it once more." it's frustrating for cheol, because he can see what's happening with both of them. they care to the point of this shit happening. "talk to him." he says again. "if you're still like this when the mission comes around, don't bother coming." his words are final, and he lets go of jihoon, pushing him away as he does.

jihoon looks at him rubbing his arm, glaring once again,

"how the fuck do you even know i'm the one who goes up to him?" and cheol just scowls at him.

"i know you like i know the back of my hand, jihoon. and you're a fucking idiot sometimes." jihoon's fists are clenched, but he's lost for words. he has no comeback, but he wants to strangle cheol.

"talk. to. him." cheol says again, the words grating on jihoon's nerves. "i won't say it again. that's a fucking order." jihoon wants to be defiant, wants to scream his lungs out, to shout in cheol's face, but he knows cheol won't let this go. and at the reality of facing soon, jihoon actually feels scared. as if reading his thoughts, cheol sighs, but his voice is just as serious as before, "you're being a piece of shit to yourself too, so i advise you to hurry up and make things right before i fucking throw you out to sea."

jihoon wipes his brow, which is now covered in sweat, before bowing half sincerely and half sarcastically to cheol, without saying a word.

he walks away, undoing the buckles of his armour until he's wearing his shirt only, his mind filled with possible outcomes. he's going to talk to soonyoung. he might might tell him to fuck off, he might throw him out of the window, he might scream at him. at the same time, he's also trying to figure out what he's going to say, as despite being someone who is great with words and extremely creative, talking about feelings is really fucking hard. he's so absorbed in his thoughts that he doesn't notice soonyoung walking straight towards him, who’s most likely equally preoccupied. _the maker is really having a blast today, huh?_ because they're a few strides away from jihoon's room door and soonyoung is staring at him and… this is not how he’d planned for things to go.

jihoon is frozen, everything he'd thought of saying, every word he'd planned in his head had disappeared in soonyoung's presence, in the way his eyes bore into him. soon's stare is intense, and he feels so small under it. his mouth opens, and then closes, and no sound leaves. he tries again to speak, nothing. soon's eyes narrow slightly, out of confusion, he couldn't work out what jihoon was trying to do, but he could see is brain working through it slowly. though the last thing he expected was for jihoon to kiss him. but jihoon's lips are on his, and he's slightly on his toes so he's closer to soon.

he's still frozen in place, lips trembling lightly because soon's brain says he should pull away while his heart is begging him to put his arms around jihoon. he tries to follow his brain, pulling away a single centimetre, but jihoon's hand is on his neck, eyes closed as he breathes out a "no" and somehow, soonyoung's heart wins.

soon gives in, and wraps his arms around jihoon, almost lifting him off his feet. jihoon's fingers grab onto soon's hair, kissing him harder, opening his mouth and pushing his tongue against soon's lips. soonyoung sighs against his lips, and opens his mouth, letting his tongue curl against jihoon's, arms tightening around him. the kiss is over too soon, and soonyoung braces himself for the heartbreak again, but jihoon is grabbing his hand and taking him to his room, biting his lip when he sees soonyoung's expression of realisation.

jihoon pushes his back against his door, which opens with ease, pulling soon through the door with him. soon then pushes the door shut behind them, and jihoon almost leaps on him, his arms snaking around soon's neck. and soon can't help but lift jihoon up, his arms grabbing jihoon's ass, letting jihoon wrap his legs around soon's waist, and pull them closer together.

jihoon whimpers against soonyoung's mouth, and it's the sweetest sound soonyoung has ever heard. he thinks jihoon will complain when he turns them around so that his back is against the door, but he actually moans and something in soonyoung's brain short circuits for a moment. with jihoon pressed against the door, soon doesn't need to keep his hands on him anymore, plus jihoon is strong enough to hold himself up. so soon presses his hips against jihoon, and he puts his hands on his face, kissing him with more intensity and passion than before. jihoon's hand grabs a fistful of soon's hair, pulls him away for a second to look at him, his cheeks flushed and his lips beautifully red and wet, and he smirks before kissing him again. the kiss is a bit desperate, as if they can't get enough of each other. jihoon always acts so bitter but his mouth is so sweet, and soonyoung wants to drown in the feeling of their tongues against each other. it's unspoken, but he wants to give everything to jihoon in that moment, so he thrusts his hips forward, and the feeling of jihoon's grip on his hair tightening and the moan he lets out is something that soon will never forget.

soon's hand throbs dully, but that doesn't matter. not right now. jihoon's legs tighten around his waist, and he can feel soon's heart racing, he swears he can almost hear it. soon pulls away from the kiss, his lips not enough, so he latches into jihoon's neck, kissing at first. but he realises what a twisted kind of revenge it would be to cover his neck in bruises, to give him the pain, and the undeniable proof for people to question later. he could laugh, really, but instead he just sucks on jihoon's neck, hard, making jihoon almost cry out at the sensation.

turns out jihoon really seems to enjoy being marked because he bares his neck completely for soonyoung, moaning as soonyoung bites the skin he just sucked, fingernails digging into soonyoung's scalp almost painfully. soon drags his teeth down jihoon's neck, sucking at the skin every time he moves his lips down, leaving a straight(ish) line from his jaw to the side of his throat. jihoon visibly swallows, and soon kisses his way back up the reddened skin, enjoying looking at the marks he's left behind, though he's surprised that jihoon seems to enjoy it, but it just serves to turn him on more. a small part of his mind considers that this is a bad idea, but he can't stop himself, and he doesn't even want to try. jihoon pulls his head away from his neck, so he can look at him properly, something he hasn't done in days, and soon swears he hears his breath tremble as their eyes meet.

jihoon tries to speak, he really does, but what comes out is only a raspy ‘soonyoung’. he can hear his own heartbeat pounding in his ears, and it sounds the exact same as soon’s racing heart, which he can feel under his hand. he moves it to soon's neck, thumb caressing his jaw; his other hand snaking under soon's arm, and placed on his back, pulling him closer and closer and closer. he _needs_ soonyoung, and there's something in soonyoung's eyes that tells him that he needs him too. soon says ‘jihoon’ in return, and jihoon's gaze goes from soon's eyes to his lips, and they're kissing again, jihoon biting soonyoung's bottom lip gently.  
for someone so aggressive, he sure knows how to be gentle when he wants to. but for soon, this is moving too slow, he puts his hands back on jihoon's ass (trying to keep the weight off the broken one) and carries him to the bed, jihoon's teeth slip off soon's lip as he does. soon tries to dump jihoon on the bed – still not being 'friendly' with whatever this was –  but because jihoon's legs are still around him, soon is pulled down too. soon goes to swear at him, but jihoon's are already back on his, kissing him greedily. jihoon is still sweaty from the ‘training’ session with cheol, and he feels incredibly hot with soonyoung on top of him. soonyoung's broken hand is by jihoon's head, while the other is on one of jihoon's thighs. although jihoon still has his legs locked around soon, his muscles aren't tense, and he thrusts his hips upwards when soonyoung thrusts forward, and both of them moan, even though jihoon is way louder.

soon doesn't know how much longer he can wait, jihoon still seeming to tease him now. he tightens his grip on jihoon's thigh and grinds himself against jihoon, and he can tell that both of them are rock hard at this point, soon almost painfully so.   
jihoon is glowing, a slight sheen covering all of his visible skin, and soon is sure the rest of his body is like that too. so he does his best to gesture to the shirt without his hands, which are otherwise occupied. he pulls away from the kiss to say,

"take it off," while nodding at jihoon's shirt. his words are demanding, almost bordering on cold.

yet, jihoon melts completely under him, nodding eagerly, face red. soonyoung supports himself on his hands, arms stretched, careful to put most of his weight on his good hand. jihoon undoes the single lace on his chest, exposing his collarbones for a second before pulling it over his head. he has some trouble doing it, so soonyoung helps him, throwing it to the floor. jihoon remains with his arms above his head, unwrapping his legs around soonyoung, letting soon puts his knees on each side of jihoon so that he's straddling him. he sits up slightly so that he can admire jihoon, and oh, how some people would pay to see jihoon like this. he's blushing, _maker_ , even his chest is painted a pretty pink, lips swollen from the kiss, arms above his head and his smooth skin begging to be touched.

soon feels spoilt for choice, _where to start?_ he thinks, biting his lip as he takes in the beautiful sight lying underneath him, and he whispers, "maker preserve me," as he looks at jihoon. there are more than a few nasty scars littered across his body, but as an assassin, soon imagines it comes with the job. soon's lips attach to jihoon's collarbones, marking him just as painfully and eagerly before. but again, jihoon seems to enjoy it given the types of moans that are coming from him, his chest heaving with every noise and every graze of soon's teeth on his skin.   
jihoon is so pale that even though he doesn't bruise that easily, every little bruise shows up... looking nasty. although bruises made by soonyoung aren't nasty. soonyoung is turned on just by thinking how they'll look in the morning after. he stops for a moment, breath ghosting over jihoon's nipple, because the thought of jihoon marked by him is... really something. but jihoon whines when soon stops, and he smirks, taking on look at jihoon's face and going back to work, kissing the sensitive skin of his nipple before biting lightly on it, and oh, jihoon throws his head back, gasping, hands flying to soon's hair.

soon can't help but smile at how jihoon reacts under him, and it finally feels like he's the one in control. jihoon is practically trembling under his touch, and the thought of making him beg entertains him more than he thinks it probably should. soon lets go of jihoon's thigh, so he can move himself further down his body as and when he pleases. but first he swirls his tongue around jihoon's nipple, nipping at it again, before carrying on down his stomach, leaving more and more marks on his skin. soon puts his good hand on jihoon's side, holding him tightly as he kisses and licks every inch of skin he lays his mouth on. he kisses down his stomach, and he feels jihoon shivering at the sensation, before going to one of his hipbones and sucking hard, harder than before, and jihoon just goes,

 _"just like that oh fuck_ ," and soon does it again, right above where he just sucked, just to hear the sweet sounds coming from jihoon again. jihoon's hands are now on soon's own shirt, pulling on it and letting soonyoung know that he wants it off. jihoon continues to pull at the back of his shirt, and soon pulls it up over himself, snaking it over his arms and throwing it to the side, allowing jihoon to scratch his nails along soon's back, as his lips have now returned to jihoon's hips, until they meet the waist band of his trousers, which soon pulls at with his teeth. before soon can move to pull them down, jihoon's hands are already there, away from soon's back, and in next to no time, both his trousers and underwear are on the floor. jihoon had never been one for wasting any time.

they've seen each other naked so many times already, and as soonyoung drops jihoon's pants and underwear to the floor he can't help but stare. no one would ever dare to call jihoon beautiful to his face. well, no one except soonyoung.

"you're beautiful, jihoon" and the reaction he gets from him is priceless. instead of snarking back at soon, he flushes even more, letting out a shaky breath, as he raises himself on his elbows, face right in front of soonyoung's,

"am i?" and he looks so damn sinful like this, soonyoung just kisses him hard. they continue to kiss until soon just can't resist any longer, and his hand finds its way to jihoon's dick, and jihoon gasps, his mouth leaving soon's as he does. his touch was so effortless, and he knew what he was doing. soon grins as jihoon rests his forehead against his own, and when his thumb brushes over jihoon's tip, making a circle there. jihoon moans again, this time louder and less in control.

jihoon is desperate, and trying to stay somewhat in control, so he grabs at the back of soon's trousers and begins to pull them down, his underwear too. soon kicks them off and then they're both equally exposed, all while soon's hand is working mercilessly at jihoon's dick. soon is enjoying teasing the shit out of jihoon, both because it turns him on and because it's satisfying to see him squirm underneath him. jihoon lets out a small ‘fuck’ as he feels soon's own rock hard dick pressing against his stomach, and knowing that now he gets to appreciate his size, properly this time. jihoon latches his lips onto soon's once more, his nails scraping once again down soon's back. jihoon moves from soonyoung's mouth to his jaw, muttering a ‘can i?’ against soon's skin. soonyoung understands him, _of course_ he does, but he wants to break jihoon, so he asks,

"what, jihoon? what do you want to do?" and flicks his wrist, making jihoon moan, fingernails digging into his back. jihoon knows what soonyoung's doing, and he knows he shouldn't give in, but it feels so good. so, so good.

"can i... can i mark you, soonyoung? like you did with me?"

"aren't you missing something, jihoon?" he asks, his strokes slowing down to an agonisingly slow pace. jihoon could curse at soon for what he's doing, but instead, he gives him what he wants,

" _please_ can i mark you?" he asks again, making soon smile more fiendishly than he ever has, and he says, calmly,

"of course, jihoon. you may." jihoon knows exactly how much of a kick soon is getting from this, but he wants to so badly, that he just latches his lips onto soon's neck, and sucks at the sensitive skin there. soonyoung wonders if jihoon also bites during sex for a brief moment, but jihoon answers the question in his mind when he sinks his teeth, and soonyoung groans loudly. he feels jihoon smile against his jaw as he moves down to his neck, doing the same.  
soon is sure that if he had bitten any harder, he would have drawn blood. _of course_ _jihoon is into that_ , soonyoung thinks, continuing to stroke jihoon's dick, picking up the pace once more. jihoon's marking seems more vicious somehow, and soon isn't quite sure how it is, but it definitely is. one bite just above his collarbone actually makes him cry out, and it turns out, jihoon does like to draw blood. soon wishes his other hand wasn't so painful, though he's grateful that he's ambidextrous, so giving a handjob with his weaker hand isn’t a problem. jihoon licks the blood away and then grabs soonyoung's hair, pulling him for a dirty kiss, all teeth and tongue and soonyoung can taste blood on jihoon's tongue and it shouldn't be as _hot_ as it is, it shouldn't turn him on like it does, but yet here he is, groaning into jihoon's mouth as they kiss.

jihoon grins against his mouth,

"you're dirty soonyoung, you know that?" he breathes, breaking the kiss only to say those words. and suddenly his grip on jihoon's dick tightens, making him cry out in surprise at the sudden constriction. "you-"

"stop talking," is all soon says, and to his surprise, jihoon does. he releases the tension on jihoon's dick, "good boy," he purrs, kissing him back just as messily. jihoon can feel his stomach getting more and more tense with every flick of soon's wrist.

his previous words weren’t helping either. soonyoung called him a good boy, and while jihoon admits he's very submissive in bed most of the time, he's not used to being called _that_. and he doesn't know exactly why, but it sparks something in him he hadn't felt before, not even with seungcheol. he's a whimpering mess as soonyoung speeds up his hand, and he hides his face on soon's neck, because he can feel he's going to come soon, but soonyoung's broken hand grabs his chin, making him look at soon and soon whispers "i want to see you when you come, jihoonie."

with those final words, soon's strokes become more aggressive, more insistent. and with those words, jihoon loses it, his mouth open wide as soon's digits are now pressed into the hollows of his cheeks. he feels himself come, noise pouring from his mouth helplessly as soon watches him, a sinful grin on his face. he's somehow still coming, his dick twitching in soon's hand, his eyes watering as soon's hand doesn't stop and his dick becomes oh so sensitive. it isn't the loud, always laughing soonyoung that's holding him down. no. this is soonyoung as wild as he is during a fight, as he is when he leads his team into battle. it's raw and rough yet there's still traces of softness, even though muffled by the hardness of his stare. jihoon lets the tears fall, because soonyoung is still touching him and he's shaking so, so _much_.

soon licks away the tears from soon's face, before curling his tongue against jihoon's, his mouth still held open. "you sound so sweet when you come, jihoon. why can't you always sound that nice?" he asks, but of course, jihoon can't reply, he can't even close his mouth. soon lets go of his dick suddenly, and licks the mess off his hand, and jihoon crumbles as he watches soon taste him, and he _knows_ soon wants him to watch.

he can't move though, his eyes following the movements of soon's tongue as he licks his fingers, leaving his index and middle finger still dirty. soon removes the pressure from jihoon’s cheeks, but jihoon keeps his mouth open, and soonyoung lets him have a taste of himself. of course jihoon moans around his fingers, sucking and licking everything away, and soonyoung lets his fingertips drag jihoon's bottom when he takes his fingers out. soon replaces his fingers with his lips, the taste of jihoon on both of their lips as they kiss. "you taste good, too. you like it, don't you?" soon mumbles against jihoon's lips, who gives a small noise in response. they both know where this is headed, and they both want it. badly. jihoon wants soon in him, and he wants him to fuck him senseless, and he's almost certain that at some point, soon will make him say it out loud. but to get things moving to where he wants them to be, he begins to rub himself against soon again.

soonyoung feels jihoon's hips moving, and he smiles, because jihoon just came hard on his hand and yet he's starts doing that. soonyoung answers by rolling his hips too, and nibbles on jihoon's ear, where a single silver hoop earring is hanging, pulling slightly on it, "what do you want to do now, hoonie?" and jihoon breathes out an answer, but soon shakes his head, smiling, even though he heard him completely fine, "louder, baby" and jihoon's voice is music to his ears when he says,

"i want to suck you off. i really, _really_ want to. please let me, soonyoung." and soonyoung pulls back just in time to see him closing his eyes, voice now a whisper, "please."

"good," soon says, climbing off jihoon and lying back on the bed, letting jihoon crawl on top of him. he starts by kissing his thighs, then his hips, until he finally lays his lips on the tip of soon's dick, and soon lets out a satisfied sound as he does. with his good hand, he curls his fingers into jihoon's hair, as jihoon slowly takes more and more of soon's dick in his mouth, until it almost presses against the back of his throat. soon can see that he hasn't taken all of him in his mouth, so he pushes his head down, and his dick hits the back of his throat, and jihoon gags slightly, but holds fast, soon's dick still in his throat.

"good boy, jihoon." he chokes out because _maker_ , it's so wet and warm and jihoon's tongue is pressing against his dick as he hollows his cheeks, looking at soonyoung. he's good at this, and thoughts of jihoon doing this with other people appear in his head, and he tightens his grip on jihoon's hair, making him moan. the feeling of jihoon's moan on his dick is enough to destroy those thoughts. he slides his mouth almost the whole way off soon's dick, allowing himself to take a quick breath in before continuing to suck, his head now bobbing up and down with soon's help.

"fuck." soon grunts as jihoon swirls his tongue around the tip before sliding his hollowed out cheeks all the way down his length again. one of his free hands reaches for soon's balls and begins to play with them, the other reaches up, and takes one of soon's nipples between his fingers.

" _andraste's_ _tits_ , jihoon, you're going to fucking kill me. i wish you c-" soonyoung moans loudly when jihoon, as he comes up, drags his teeth across soonyoung's dick, before coming back down, hard. and while soonyoung is getting what probably is the best blowjob of his life, he'd rather come inside of jihoon. soon's hand is still on jihoon's hair, and the next time jihoon comes up, soon holds his head in place, making jihoon flick his eyes up to meet soon's. his eyes seem to glint, as he says,

"i'm going to fuck you senseless."

at his words, jihoon stops sucking and grins, climbing his way back up soon's body to give him a long kiss, biting his lip as he pulls away, because he's so fucking ready for it. soon takes the opportunity to flip them both over, jihoon letting out a little gasp as his back hits the bed.

"do you want that, jihoon? do you want me to fuck you until you forget your own name?" and jihoon can only look at him, mouth open in a small circle, before he snaps it shut, and nods eagerly, hands going to the back of soonyoung's neck. soon kisses some of the marks he left, before leaning up and swinging his leg off jihoon, who's hands fall from soon's neck. he climbs off the bed and wanders off to the bathroom, going to find the oil he keeps there, mostly used for massages but also good for... _other purposes._

"where do you keep the oil, jihoonie?" he asks, searching the bottles on a shelf. soon expects an answer from the room, but jihoon's voice is clear as glass next to him, and he sees a hand reaching up to the shelf,

"here," and soonyoung looks at him, smiling when jihoon grabs him by his neck again, having handed the bottle of oil over, and pulls him down for a kiss, hand on both of his and soonyoung's dicks – jihoon is getting hard again and soonyoung thinks it's the hottest thing he's ever experienced.

"thank you, woozi," and hearing his professional name on soon's lips drives him wild. soon walks into jihoon, pushing him backwards slowly until they're out of the bathroom, and the backs of jihoon's legs are against a solid surface. his desk. Jihoon somehow managing to maintain his grip on both their dicks as soon moved them. soonyoung grabs jihoon's wrist, pulling it away from their dicks, and flips jihoon, who throws the pile of books on top of his desk to the floor, as well as some trinkets, that would probably break if not for the round carpet under the desk. soon bends him over the desk, a bit more roughly than he intended to, but jihoon seems to enjoy it because he gasps out an,

"oh, fuck", one arm immediately going under his forehead so that he's facing the wood, breathing harshly.

soon wastes no time in pouring some oil on his fingers, and rubbing it all over jihoon's ass. even though he already knew what was coming, he still can't help but whimper as soons hand touches him. he moves his hips backwards into soon's touch, and soonyoung rubs a finger against the muscle, circling and pushing slightly, and jihoon groans, because soonyoung is totally going to tease the shit out of him. soon's broken hand tries to fist in jihoon's hair, pushing his head against the desk.

"do you want it?" soon asks, his voice low in jihoon's ear.

"please," jihoon replies, unable to move his head to look at soon. "please." he repeats. soon kisses the back of jihoon's neck,

"if only i felt like being nice," soon says, his fingers still ringing around the muscle. jihoon groans in response, but he knows why soon is teasing him, and a (very) small part of him knows he deserves it. he pushes against the skin once again, making jihoon whimper, before moving his oiled hand up and down to jihoon's back, not before slapping his ass lightly, yet still strong enough to make jihoon whisper a,

" _maker have mercy on me_.” soonyoung chuckles, jihoon is trembling under his touch, soon feels as if he fucking owns him, and it feels damn good. soon looks at the pale pink hand mark now on jihoon's ass, and he squeezes it, before returning his fingers to jihoon's ass. he leans down to kiss the end of jihoon's back, and decides to ask "red?", hoping that jihoon would understand. jihoon breathes once, before hissing out,

"green," and nothing more. soon feels relief, and gives jihoon's back another kiss, and says more gently this time,

"good," before beginning to finger him, slowly at first. jihoon doesn’t mind the pain. in fact, it only makes it better. he likes being stretched roughly, hell, he does it to himself and it feels great. with soonyoung? he gasps, eyes closing because it's finally _happening._

soon gauges from jihoon's reaction to his fingers exactly what he should do. he takes a quick look at his expression, which almost looks impatient, so soon ups the pace, and begins to curl his fingers into him.

" _oh fuck, exactly like that, maker_ ," jihoon is gasping out words, now facing the wood, face hidden from soonyoung. however, the latter knows that his face is red, eyes probably tearing up from the burn of the stretch. jihoon's other hand, the one that's not "pillowing" his forehead goes up, hand grasping the desk's end, holding onto it for dear life. soon smiles to himself, and pushes his fingers in further, and begins to flick his wrist too, as well as curling and uncurling his fingers. he squeezes jihoon's shoulder, a silent reassuring gesture that says to let him know if it's too much. but jihoon moans so loudly and sweetly in response to soon's fingers, so he clearly doesn't have an issue.

"how do you think the others would react to seeing you like this, jihoonie?" he fucking scissors his fingers, and soon is pretty sure jihoon is drooling, and he smiles to himself, before continuing,   
"you look beautiful like this. all spread around my fingers. you like it a little more to the rough side, don't you? you like the pain, you like being bossed around, even though you're the one bossing everyone around during the day."

jihoon's mouth is open, but he physically can't form the words to reply, though his whole body screams 'yes', he fucking loves being bossed around, and soon does it so well. "you're not allowed to come though, you know that, right? you don't come until i tell you." and all jihoon can do is give a small nod in response as soon's fingers continue to ram into him.

" _soonyoung, soonyoung, soonyoung_ ," jihoon is whispering his name between gasps and moans, and there's drool pooling under his mouth on the desk but he couldn't care less, because soonyoung adds a third finger, and it burns but there's a fire in him that wasn't there before and he lifts his hips slightly to meet soonyoung's fingers. but he is pushed down by soon, _hard_ , and soon fucking slaps his ass again, and jihoon bites down on his lip, hard, and tastes blood.

"you're not allowed to move either, jihoon, didn't i make that clear? you do as i fucking say." jihoon whimpers, his lip still in between his teeth. jihoon's hips are pressed against the hard wood of the desk, and if they're not bruised tomorrow, they're definitely going to be sore, but nowhere near as sore as his ass. jihoon knew he was a masochist, but for some reason, the way soon pushed him, he loved it that much more, maybe it was all the shouting, the tension between them. but any way, jihoon wouldn't trade it in for anything. his drool now mixes with the blood, and it's messy, but he truly wouldn't have it any other way. it's raw and rough and just the way he likes it, and it's soonyoung who's knuckles deep in him, curling and scissoring and stretching jihoon ruthlessly.

and then suddenly, soon's fingers are gone, as if they were never there, and minus the burning sensation, he might have thought he’d dreamt it. jihoon sucks in a choking breath at the very sudden loss, but then, soon's body is pressing against jihoon's back, his breath against jihoon's neck.

"turn your head." soon says, and jihoon does, and is greeted by the fingers that, moments before, had been in him. soon brushes them against his lips and jihoon gets the idea, and sucks on them. it's so dirty, he can taste himself and the oil and the blood, yet it's all he needs, and he sucks eagerly on soonyoung's fingers, hollowing his cheeks just like he previously had on soon's dick, and soonyoung gasps at that, "and you were calling me dirty? oh, if you could only see yourself now, baby."

jihoon just smiles, letting his tongue slip over each of soon's fingers before he pulls them away. soon's hand is still on his shoulder, which he pulls at, making him stand up straight once more before quickly turning him around. soon sees his watery eyes, and his bottom lip and chin covered in spit and blood, and soon is almost confused by how turned on it makes him feel.

he puts one of his hands on jihoon's face, who nuzzles against it, thumb wiping his bottom lip, and then brings it to his own mouth so that he can lick his thumb. jihoon groans and grabs him by the hair on the back of his head, pulling him for a bruising kiss, before breaking away and saying,

"fuck me against the wall, soonyoung." and it feels less like a request and more like an order. if soonyoung wasn't so into the idea, he might've punished jihoon for being so bossy, but soon rolls with it. jihoon lets go of soon's hair, and soonyoung begins to back jihoon into the nearest wall, until he hits it, and a small breath is knocked from him. soon kisses jihoon's neck, and jihoon's hand returns to soon's hair. soonyoung picks up one of jihoon's legs, and jihoon wraps it around his waist, his other foot doing its best to stay firmly on the floor. soonyoung has to bend his knees a little so that he can enter jihoon. jihoon has both of his arms around soonyoung's shoulders, but as soon as he enters jihoon in one smooth thrust, his hand goes to cover his mouth, eyes watering again, because he lets out the loudest, sweetest, dirtiest moan ever, but soon pulls it away with the hand that was on hoon's thigh, muttering,

"i want to hear everything, lee jihoon," before kissing him roughly. thing is, soonyoung realises now, while fully inside of jihoon, that his knees are still bent. jihoon seems to realise that too, because he laughs against soon's mouth and then jumps so the leg that was previously down is now around soon's hips, the latter's broken hand going immediately to hold him. it _hurts_ , but soonyoung can worry about it later, because jihoon is so fucking wet and tight around him even though he was just fingered senseless.

the wall takes all of jihoon's weight as he's pressed so closely against it, meaning soon can still thrust his hips pretty smoothly, and the satisfying slapping sound of skin on skin is still heard. soon's legs are straight again, and he can pound into jihoon properly, making jihoon's moans reverberate every time they make contact. jihoon's mouth is now on soon's shoulder, his teeth pressing into the skin ever so lightly at first as soon relentlessly fucks him. and if soon wasn't so insistent on fucking jihoon hard, he could have come right there and then, because being in jihoon feels so damn good, and having this much control over him feels even better. jihoon's hand is fisted in soon's hair, his teeth still on soon's shoulder as soon thrusts into him over and over, hitting the same spot again and again. and with every thrust, jihoon makes a small and muffled noise into soon's skin. soonyoung moans when jihoon presses down harder with his teeth, but there's something bothering him. "louder, hoonie, i know you want to be louder than that," and jihoon hates him for being right. jihoon isn't screaming yet, but he wants to moan and beg and curse loudly, let soonyoung know what he's doing to him.

so jihoon takes his mouth away from soon's shoulder, and instead rests his forehead there, his mouth free to be as loud as he and soonyoung want him to be. soon is covered in a light sheen of sweat all over his body, cause jihoon sure is making him work hard, but he wouldn't have it any other way. he then makes his strokes slower, but oh so much harder, pushing as hard and deep as he physically can with each thrust. jihoon lets out the most beautiful sounds soonyoung has ever heard. he's desperate and vulnerable and so fucking submissive, doing everything soonyoung asks him to, yet still so _jihoon_.

soonyoung is going to deep in him he actually sees stars, dick leaking between their bodies as moans soonyoung's name between curses, because he won't stop hitting that damned place inside of him. soon feels himself getting closer and closer, jihoon's walls so warm and wet, and still tight around him.

"you're going to come for me, aren't you?" soonyoung pants, his breathing heavy as he continues to exert himself. soon can't see, but tears have started to well in jihoon's eyes, he tries to blink them away, and just nods at soon's question. he thinks for a moment about how horrible he'd been to soonyoung over the past week, he'd reduced soon to tears, and yet here he was, soon had still believed in him. jihoon continues to moan, not betraying the emotion filling his face.

"bed, soonyoung, before i come. please" his voice cracks, both because of a moan and because of the emotions that are going through his body. he's still blinking the tears away, although a couple manage to get out. soonyoung kisses his jaw, before taking him to the bed, never pulling out of jihoon. soonyoung supposes his hand should be killing him, but he's so, so close, he can't feel anything else. thing is, he's also being overwhelmed by emotion, and buries his face on jihoon's neck as he makes a last effort to fuck jihoon hard, harder than before, because he wants to hear him scream. he doesn't notice jihoon's tears, and that's why he lets his own fall hidden away from jihoon's eyes.

jihoon's touches on soon's back, his neck and hair, are more sincere now, they're less aggressive, more like caresses. soon's heart is pounding in his chest as he fights off his own orgasm to bring jihoon to his own first, as well as the fact that he's terrified of jihoon seeing him crying, and seeing how he'll react. soon feels jihoon tense around him, and he comes, screaming soon's name. but in jihoon's cracking voice, he hears... sadness? jihoon's moans block out most of the crying, and not long after, soon comes too, spilling inside jihoon, and in that moment, he loses his vision completely, and almost loses control of his body, he comes that hard.

he falls on top of jihoon, who's still cursing at the air, panting heavily and whimpering, because he just had the best orgasm of his life, and he doesn't know if the tears are from it or from all the emotion. soonyoung... soonyoung just wants to go to sleep because he’d never had an orgasm that strong, and there's a buzz on his skin where he makes contact with jihoon's. he wipes his tears on jihoon's neck and on the pillow, hoping that jihoon is too focused on his aftershocks to notice the wet feeling on his skin. soonyoung's legs are twitching, and his softening dick is still buried deep inside of jihoon.

jihoon felt a couple of warm wet droplets on his skin, and at first, he thought it was sweat, but when he hears soon take in an uncontrolled breath accompanied by a small noise of what seemed like anguish, jihoon realised they were tears. and for some reason, that makes jihoon cry harder, though still silently at this point. soon pulls out of jihoon, and collapses at his side, his whole body trembling. he's facing jihoon, and can see his chest moving as if he was... crying? soon puts his hand on his cheek, the emotions that he'd being trying so hard to hold back now flowing freely along with his tears. jihoon looks at him, and lets out an audible sob, though he thinks his senses might be playing tricks on him at this point.

"i really fucking hate you sometimes" jihoon whispers, and wraps his arms around soonyoung, crying and sending soonyoung to his back, jihoon on his chest as they both cry. soonyoung smiles softly at his words, holding jihoon tight against him, and honestly? they don't need more words right now. they need each other.

soonyoung gently strokes jihoon's hair, thinking of everything that he could possibly say to him in this situation, but there's nothing right now. their emotion is raw and it fills the room, and jihoon's head is rested on soonyoung's shoulder, giving a silent prayer to soon in his head as he continues to sob. neither of them had ever felt more vulnerable, but in front of each other, they didn't feel exposed, they didn't feel like it would hurt in that moment. they could just be open with each other without feeling ashamed for it.

jihoon is still shaking from his orgasm, and there's something definitely leaking from his ass, and even though he's still crying, he kisses soonyoung's neck, licking at the already forming bruises, and wonders if he looks the same. or worse, because soonyoung marked every single piece of skin he could find. soonyoung is trying to calm himself and stop crying, and jihoon makes his way to soon's lips, and kisses him deeply, very, very slowly. with jihoon's lips against his, he begins to calm down, only a little though, as a voice in the back of his mind tells him that _nothing is going to change between you. tomorrow, you'll wake up and he'll pretend none of this happened_ and soon can feel his heart breaking, but still he says nothing, and he does nothing, because what can he do? in his mind, the way jihoon kisses him is as if he's kissing him for the last time, and soon resigns himself to it.

it's dark outside, which means the others are probably heading to the dining area. he can almost hear chan complaining about vernon eating from his plate when he has his own. but he's not exactly hungry, and jihoon's lips are distracting, and soonyoung thinks might as well enjoy this while it lasts, right?


	4. Chapter 4

their absence from the table was clearly noted, from the fact that after some time, a small knock was heard at the door. the pair had still been kissing at this point, the kisses smaller, lighter, more… romantic? soon thought to himself. neither of them wanted to move, neither of them wanted to ruin it. the door opened slightly, it was joshua. jihoon looked at him and assumed that cheol must have filled him in. he also assumed that cheol wasn't willing to see jihoon just yet either.

jihoon gets up, wrapping one of the fur blankets around himself, and goes to the door, opening it a little bit more. joshua smiles gently,

"i brought some food."

jihoon bows slightly, before taking the tray and saying very quietly,

"thank you, hyung."

"if you... need anything," joshua almost whispers, ignoring the tears on jihoon's face as he spoke, "just let me know." before backing out of the room and closing the door.

jihoon knows he saw the tears, he knows he saw the marks on his neck, and he definitely saw soonyoung wiping his tears on the bed, but he's thankful he didn't say anything. joshua is like that, he knows what to say and when to say it, and this wasn't the time. jihoon carries the tray to bed, where soonyoung is cleaning himself with a cloth he found, motioning for jihoon to get closer so that he can clean him up too.

jihoon puts the tray down on the small table next to the bed, before climbing back on the bed, next to soonyoung. he crouches quietly next to him, and soon gently wipes away all the mess on his body. when he finishes, jihoon places both his hands on soon's face, and pulls him closer for a kiss. he can't say what soon is feeling, but to him, that kiss meant _everything_. it said everything that he couldn't bring himself to.

they kiss for a while, the only sounds in the room being the wet noises from it. jihoon pulls away, catching soon's bottom lip between his teeth and pulling it lightly, before turning and grabbing the tray once again, placing it between them, and they eat in silence, stealing kisses and touching each other from time to time.

soonyoung picks up one of the cups of wine that are on the tray, and jihoon picks up the other. soon then raises his glass, and gives a silent toast, and thinks a silent prayer, hoping that this isn't all they'll ever have. he doesn't know that jihoon is thinking the same thing too. they both down the wine, it's sweet and strong, perfect to fall asleep after drinking.

"you know, jeonghan made chan steal this wine." and soonyoung laughs,

"of course he did." they finish eating quickly and soonyoung puts it on the floor next to the bed. Jihoon is on his side, facing soonyoung, and soon is kind of having an internal crisis. does jihoon want him to leave? he thinks about getting up, but jihoon grabs his wrist and pulls him down so that he's lying facing jihoon, who cuddles up to him and nuzzles his head against soonyoung's neck and... maybe he doesn't want him to leave. but the thought of waking up tomorrow and pretending nothing happened still haunts him, but the wine is helping him relax a little bit more.

soonyoung wraps his arms around jihoon, the warmth of his small body against his intoxicating, and it hurts to think this might be it. but at least, he thinks, he'll have tonight. jihoon face is buried so perfectly in his neck, it feels as if they belong together. jihoon slips one of his legs over soon's ankle, their legs half tangled together now. and soon, he closes his eyes, and pretends that tomorrow won’t be any different, that jihoon will still look him in the eye.


	5. Chapter 5

soonyoung wakes up, and the room is strange. it must be really early in the morning, the sun is starting to rise only. and... there's an empty space in front of him. jihoon isn't there. soonyoung wants to laugh, but it dies in his throat when he sees the window to the balcony open. he gets up quickly, searching for his clothes on the floor, only finding his underwear and pants. there's a mirror in the corner of the room, and he checks himself in its reflection, fingertips touching the marks on his skin. soonyoung swallows, straightens his back and goes to the balcony, searching for jihoon.

he silently looks out the window, and sees a sight that makes his heart clench. jihoon looks beautiful. the pale light of dawn glancing off his face, and he's in soon's shirt, explaining why he couldn't find it. it doesn't fit him, not that he'd done it up properly. it's draped off one of his shoulders, and in the morning light he can see every single bruise that his mouth left on the assassin. he'd brought out one of the furs with him, cause being this close to the sea is never that warm, even in summer. jihoon hasn't noticed soon, he's looking at the horizon, and his face looks... sad. as soon admires jihoon, he realises he's frozen in place too, because when the world can't see jihoon, he looks vulnerable, innocent almost.

soonyoung decides to climb to where jihoon is, as quietly as possible. he doesn't want to disturb jihoon, he looks so much younger like this, the sharp lines of his profile softened by the vulnerability in his facial expression. his hair is messy from sleep, and soonyoung is still climbing when he rubs his eyes, and it's such a simple yet soft gesture, soonyoung's heart melts completely. he eventually gets there; jihoon has noticed him but is still looking at the horizon, and soon sits down next to him. two seconds go by and soonyoung is about to open his mouth when jihoon lets his head fall to soonyoung's shoulder. soonyoung blinks, the gesture could mean anything, but somehow, it makes what happened the night before feel as if... as if maybe it had been more than just sex. soon's arm is behind jihoon's back, and soon can feel the warmth radiating off him. it's just as quiet as it was the previous night, and they can just about make out the sounds of the waves rolling in with the tide. soonyoung feels content, and once again, he doesn't feel the need for words, half because he doesn't want to spoil the moment and make himself face whatever the reality of this was.  everything is quiet for a few moments, soonyoung unsure of what to do with his arm exactly, until jihoon speaks up, voice barely a whisper,

"i'm sorry" and. it's the first time jihoon has ever apologised to him. hell, it might even be the first time he has actually heard jihoon say those words out loud, to him or anyone else really.  he sounds so small, so... honest. broken, even. and soonyoung decides to put his arm on his waist, pulling him closer.

jihoon doesn't try to stop him, he doesn't want to. this is what he wants, he wants soonyoung so much it _hurts_. he feels soon's lips on the top of his head, and his thumb is stroking his side. soonyoung doesn't know how to reply, does he say he's sorry too? that he knows jihoon is sorry? lie and pretend there's no reason to be sorry? he decides his best option is to just stay quiet, and let his body do the talking for him, cause he doesn't want to take away any of the sincerity of jihoon's words. so he just kisses the top of jihoon's head, and thinks to himself _, i know, jihoon, i know._

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on twitter! @/starrysoi


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